I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
