I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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