I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
