Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
