I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
