I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
