I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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