The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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