I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
