id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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