I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
