so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is my gift to your gina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize