i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
