I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
