Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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