what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How does one acquire holy water?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
