Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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