I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize