Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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