I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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