hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
