You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
