Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
