I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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