Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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