he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
