Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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