Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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