If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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