I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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