dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
