we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
