worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
