I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
