I can text with my tongue
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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