I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think my vagina is haunted
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can u get pink eye on your cock?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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