youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
