READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
