Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
