grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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