I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
