we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize