You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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