ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
