No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
