marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
