Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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