so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
