pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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