Pappa wants mamma naked
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
