my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
