that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
