So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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