someone owes me an orgasm
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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