Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
