I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize