She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
