don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
