Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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