I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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