So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
