This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
