You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
